I am {a pink warrior} | Studio Series | June 2016

I am {a pink warrior}  | Studio Series | June 2016

My name is Margie, and I am a wife, a mother.... I am a pink warrior.
— Margie

"I'll be celebrating 5 years in August cancer free. 

I had a double mastectomy. My right breast was full of cancer my left precancerous. 

I was in surgery for 12 hours. They had to take so much and in to my cavity to hopefully get clear margins. I elected reconstruction surgery so the expander a were put in. They had a hard time closing me because of the amount of skin they had to take. You know that song "I'll love you thru it" By Tina mcbride? That was me. 

I was fortunate not to have gone thru chemo. I felt guilty at times. I hated what I was going thru but others had it worse. I joined a support group and learned every journey is different. Not everyone looses both breast either. 

My family was worried I would not be the same. They were right. I was better, I was stronger. I had more in me than I was ever aware of. 

I'm not going to say I didn't cry bc I see did. I felt sorry for myself too. For a year I felt like a science project while I went thru expanding. I had a few bumps in the road during recovery. 

I look at my scars and I try not to see what I lost but what I have overcome. To look at me no one would know if they didn't know me. 

I don't feel the same, it doesn't feel the same but I am grateful. I hated everyone saying you will have to find the new normal. What I had to find was peace and acceptance and purpose. What was my purpose to have gone thru this?"

I asked Margie what "exist in photographs" means to her...I had her stumped. After a minute, this is what she told me:

 "Exist in photographs? It means that I am here. 

As women I generally do believe that we shy away from the camera because we never feel like we are where we need to be with ourselves. I want to get better at it. My kids, I want them to have photographs of me, I want to be photographed with them. Like,  they are my greatest accomplishment, my kids, you know? My Family is. 

I can't take credit for Rich, his mom did that. I just married him." {insert the giggle between Margie and I}

But today going through this today I just felt it was celebrating, for me, still celebrating, that despite what I have been through, and despite what I went through and the change I made to still feel comfortable in my body, that I am still a woman. 

Good, bad, or indifferent, I hope it shows through the camera that I am happy. I am happy. I am happy with who I am. I may not always be happy in my own skin, but I am happy with who I am."

 

     " I am ...." is a monthly series dedicated to the amazing women willing to tell their journey so that we may share in the strife and triumph.  Every one of us as a story and it is a privilege to tell it through my lens.